Last week, one of my friends asked me, “How do I make friends as I’m nearing my 20s?”

Making friends in your 20s or even 30s, feels like a layered journey. As you grow older, you start to notice how your life shifts. Suddenly, people are moving away, getting married, having kids, chasing their careers, and healing journeys. It’s beautiful and natural, but also a little heartbreaking. You go from seeing your closest friends every weekend to catching up once a quarter (if you’re lucky 😭).

Just because you’ve grown apart from your close friends doesn’t mean there isn’t love there. Some friends are there to teach you something in a specific season of your life. And when that season ends, cherish the connection you had while opening doors to new ones.

At the same time, making new friends isn’t always easy either, especially when you’re trying to build community in a new city or country. As an immigrant, there’s this extra layer of cultural explanation. People ask, “Where are you from?” and depending on the tone or the body language, I either get really excited to talk about my hometown and culture or shut down and turn it into small convo lol.

I value making friends across cultures and learning about people’s traditions, languages, and lives. So when I meet someone new, I try to bring an open mind into the conversation. Over time, I have become better at asking good, thought-provoking questions and I have nourished those relationships up until today. I have had friendship fallouts and breakups that have left me heartbroken (friendship breakups are messy and can be hurtful than ones with your lover in my experience😔)

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When I first moved to the U.S., I was scared. I didn’t want to talk to anyone in public, whether at the grocery store or a restaurant. I worried about my accent, about not saying the right thing. But over time, I’ve tapped into my more outgoing side. I think I’ve always had it in me tbh, maybe it’s the Leo🦁 in me- but that outgoing/chatty side of ME needed time, healing, and the right environments to come out.

Now, I feel myself becoming more extroverted, though it depends on the setting. If I feel safe and energized by the people or the vibe, I’m all in. I light up having conversations with people and sometimes I dont even care or worry about what they are thinking of me. some environments bring the FLOW state out of me <3. But if the energy feels closed off, like at a house party full of strangers, I am most likely to retreat into myself again.

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What I’ve realized is that finding and keeping friendships in your adult years isn’t about always being social or always having time.

It’s about staying open.

💌Open to people growing.

💌Open to making new connections.

💌Open to the fact that some friendships won’t last

and that others will surprise you in the most beautiful ways.❤️

If you're in a season of life where friendship feels distant or confusing or you’re struggling to make friends, I want you to know: that you're not alone. It's okay to outgrow people. It's okay to seek friends with shared values and aligned visions. And it's okay to protect your energy while staying open to new ones.

Here’s to the old friends, the new ones, and the versions of ourselves we’re still getting to know.

And my answer to that opening question is “I don’t know because I’m still figuring it out and taking baby steps towards what matters the most to me in life. Because to be honest, aren’t we all trying to figure LIFE out in our own ways?”

🧡 If this resonated, feel free to subscribe or share it with a friend who might be in the same boat.

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I’m glad you’re here and grateful for your support.

I write about navigating life abroad, cultural shifts, personal reflections, mindset shifts, creative pursuits, passion exploration, and inner child healing, personal development - however you want to name them.

You can find me on socials @passionflow_coaching and @rojinayahh. Learn more about my coaching offerings and find my free meditation + guidebooks here.

thank you again for being here and I'd love to hear from you.

Have you experienced a shift in friendships as you’ve grown older? And if so, how are you navigating it?